Creating Childhood Victories
About Victor
Everyone has a story! My story is tragic on one hand but amazing on the other. I was sexually abused by a family friend when I was eight years old. During that time I had to deal with an alcoholic father who told me time and time again that children should be seen and not heard. In 1999, my mom died at the age of fifty-nine, and, in 2001 I lost my sister because of domestic violence.
I DECIDED to CREATE out of my pain and help others do the same. I design programs that empower children to create that confident voice, value that voice, and share that voice with the world.
Victor is a creator and designer of programs and products that focus on PBIS, Social Emotional Learning, Character Counts, and specializing in Erin’s Law Programs.
STAT: More than 28 million Americans are children of alcoholics; nearly 11 million are under the age of 18.
I will never forget the many times that I was awakened in the middle of the night to the screaming, the hitting, and the glass shattering all around. I was eight years old when I saw my father transform from “my dad” to a monster. I was scared and curious simultaneously. My sister found me many times at the top of the stairs looking down as a nightmare was unfolding in front of me. This is how I spent many of my nights. It’s amazing that I was able to go to school the next day!
The effects of child abuse are long lasting. I was eight years old when I was sexually abused by a family friend. I was told not to say anything because my parents would be very upset with me. So, I stored this painful moment in the back of my mind for over ten years. It was my secret. I went through most of my school years questioning my sexuality and confused by the whole experience. I was so ashamed of what happened that I was unable to talk about the abuse until I turned eighteen. That’s when the healing began.
Even though domestic violence played a prominent role during my adolescence, nothing compares to what happened on September 3, 2001. I received a phone call from a policeman telling me that my sister and her husband had been involved in a shooting. My sister Reneé was shot four times by her husband. He committed suicide soon thereafter. She died three weeks later. The pain, confusion, anger, and sadness took over my life. Once again, I was confused about what happened. How could this happen to my sister and her two beautiful children?
STAT: Every nine seconds in America, a woman is beaten or killed by her husband, ex-husband, boyfriend, or ex-boyfriend. It is a rampant disease that is most often, kept hidden and untreated. Domestic Violence, like Cancer, is no respecter of persons. It affects all social levels of the American population.
As I was asking all these questions I began to find answers. Instead of letting these events in my life tear me down, I used them as fuel to build myself up. I began to find out what confidence building could do for my life and realized that there are children that need help with their confidence building as well. Especially if they have been abused.
STAT: Most children are abused by someone they know and trust, although boys are more likely than girls to be abused outside of the family. A study in three states found 96% of reported rape survivors under age 12 knew the attacker. Four percent of the offenders were strangers, 20 percent were fathers, 16 percent were relatives and 50% were acquaintances or friends (Advocates for Youth, 1995).
The Victim to Victor Decision©
I believe wisdom is in the question and not the answer. If you don’t ask the right question you don’t get the right answer. I asked WHY many many times. Why was my father an alcoholic? Why did he hit my mom? Why did that person abuse me? Why did my sister die?
These questions can lead to the answers that could help one cope. However, I refuse to simply cope. I want to heal and overcome, because that’s how I can be of service to people. I call this the Overcome The Skateboard Principle!™ While visiting a school, I asked a boy “What do you want to be when you grow up?” He said,”I want to be a professional skateboarder.” I then asked him “Do you ever fall off your skateboard?” “All the time,” he said with a smile. I proceeded, “Do you just lay there and wait for someone to come get you?” He said, “No, Victor. I get up, dust myself off and get back on the skateboard.” I told him that’s the secret to life. We will all fall, but it’s what we do when fall that’s the key. You can live your life in a negative manner, consistently pointing blame, or you can take full responsibility for everything in your life. While you can’t change what happened in the past, you can can control how to live life.
My father became a recovering alcoholic and I forgave him and loved him unconditionally until his death in 2010.
I’ve decided to look at my abuse like this…I say, “He abused my body but I refuse to let him abuse my life, period!”
Finally, I’m not sure why my sister was shot four times, but I can tell you that if Reneé had lived through this tragedy she would have dedicated her life to helping victims of domestic violence. Since 2001, my team and I have raised over $350,000 for women in need.
This is my spark of hope. Thank you for visiting. I am grateful.
My programs are available to anyone that is looking for a beacon of hope. I offer programs in child abuse awareness so that educators, parents and friends can all help to prevent child abuse, by identifying the signs of it.
I also offer programs in sexual assault awareness, as well as confidence building. Be sure to check out the programs today.
Victor Pacini
Creator of the Be Seen and Heard© Program
Childhood Victories, Inc
CONTACT:
victor@victorpacini.com
888-667-2370
