Be Unapologetically Yourself
Be Unapologetically Yourself
Sometimes it’s not exactly easy to be ourselves. We fear judgement. If we are authentically ourselves and people don’t like it, it can feel like we did something wrong. It never feels good to lose friends or family or a romantic interest. Being rejected is painful. So what to we do? Well, we hide ourselves. We tone down our excitement and our inner glow. We push ourselves to fit into a mold of what makes others comfortable rather than breaking the mold and letting our individuality shine through. I don’t think we should have to ever dim our sparkle. I think you reading this (YES YOU) should be unapologetically yourself.
I’ve heard countless people describe my core being.
I’m bubbly, charismatic, and over-excitable. Definitely annoying, possibly passionate, and a little strange. I’m too-loud, too-proud, too sensitive, too emotional, and overly dramatic. Some of those don’t sound so bad, right? Something like charisma is such a positive attribute. When my personality is viewed in a happy light, it’s easy to be myself. It’s my emotional side, the side where I am raw and open and completely honest, that I’ve spent so many years hiding from the world.
Why did I hide though? Yes, we could spend all day and get into my childhood and dissect my family like it’s a case study. Simply and for the sake of time/your sanity, it came down to two things: First of all, I had a “want” to make others comfortable so they would like me. Second of all, that “want” overpowered my need to be genuine and express my feelings. If I chose to be genuine, I may lose my family.
About 5 years ago, I made a stand to completely change that.
My sister and I decided to report our abusive father to the police. I had just spent a few hours spilling my deepest secrets on camera with a detective I met five minutes earlier. There was crying, I raised my voice, and I was absolutely emotional. I mean, who wouldn’t be emotional during that? When we walked out of the sheriff’s department though, I felt lighter. For the first time in my life I felt confident in my anger and what’s more…I felt proud to share it.
From that day on, I became incredibly vocal on topics like child protection, domestic violence, and stopping intergenerational abuse. But you know what started happening? People started removing me from social media. Taking me off their friend list, unfollowing me, and probably blocking me too. When I first realized that people were removing me, it totally hurt.
After all, I am fighting to protect kids! Why would they run from that?
But I’ve come to realize something. There are going to be people that no matter how noble my cause, no matter how delicately I put something, and no matter how bubbly I am, they just aren’t going to like me. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. Not everyone in the world is obligated to like me, to fight like me, or to speak like me. But that doesn’t change who I am. I am PROUD to take on uncomfortable topics. My passion, my drive, and my emotions make up who “Deanna” is and whether they like it or not, I am going to continue to be unapologetically myself. And so should you.
FULL TRANSCRIPT.(The following is the full transcript of this episode of The Be Seen and Heard Journey. Please note that this episode, like all BSH Journey episodes, features Victor speaking extemporaneously–he is unscripted and unedited.)
Hey, it’s Victor. Welcome to the Be Seen and Heard Journey. Thank you so much for being with me today. You know, recently I had an amazing conversation with one of my presenters here at childhood victories by the name of Deanna Hynes. And Deanna is someone who is an amazing presenter. She happens to write the blogs here at childhood victories.
We talked about an amazing topic that I think is really, really relevant, especially as it pertains to relationships. That it’s to be unapologetically yourself in relationships. I am no expert on this topic, but we’ve all experienced it. I think there are two ways to enter a relationship. One is to try to please the other person constantly trying to, you know, say or do what they want to hear so that they accept you and they want to be with you.
Unfortunately, that’s not really genuine and it’s not really a long lasting strategy. You can also go into a relationship with the philosophy of “I’m going to go into this unapologetically myself.” Meaning, go in there, be who you are, be yourself, be authentic, of course, be respectful to the person.
But ultimately be respectful to yourself first because you can’t give away what you don’t have.
Then there’s a problem with this. You heart can break in two ways. I’m going right for it. One is you go into the relationship trying to please the other person, trying to say what they want to hear. And you get your heartbroken, which is a double whammy. Your heart is broken and you’re feeling terrible. But you’re also upset at yourself because you weren’t yourself. So we don’t want to do that. Another strategy would be to get your heart broken, but you went into it unapologetically yourself.
Is it painful? Absolutely it’s painful, but at least you can look at it from the perspective of, “I gave it my all and I was myself.” And here’s the secret that I have learned very recently in my life. You go into something yourself, you don’t apologize for who you are. You bring to the table, whatever it is that you want to bring to the table and loving heart, being romantic, whatever the case is. If that person doesn’t want to be with you, well, it’s going to be painful. But but knowing that you went into it being true to yourself, then no matter the outcome, it’s a win.
It’s painful. But ultimately, if you can get to the point where you say, “you know what, that’s a win!” Why would you want to be with somebody who doesn’t want to accept you for you?
And it’s not good or bad and it’s not right or wrong. It seems that it is at that moment. You think like the whole thing’s wrong. That person’s wrong. No, it just is what it is. And if you can be true to yourself and still fall down, then what’s going to happen is one day you’re going to meet that person. Who’s going to help pick you up and is going to accept you and love you for who you are.
You’re going to work like this, right? Not like this. You’re not going to just meet. You’re going to blend together as a team. I want to say thank you for taking the time to listen and watch the blog and the video. Please share it through the podcast, share the link with your friends and family and let’s continue the conversation and remember everyone, right? Everyone deserves to Be Seen, Heard, and unapologetically themselves. Have a wonderful day. Bye.